A really important thing to remember about parenting is that nobody gets this right all the time. In fact one study showed that even a well attuned mother, this is someone who is emotionally available and able to respond in a loving way. She will only be well tuned into her baby about 30% of the time.
Perfect isn’t helpful
This can mean that your baby never has to learn to meet their own needs. This definitely doesn’t mean just leaving them to get on with it and we are certainly not advocating any crying it out parenting styles. But if you are constantly there anticipating their needs it can be a little nerve-wracking for your child. Having little tiny experiences of mis-attunement helps them know that they can cope with this as they grow. If there is a misunderstanding it can be repaired.
Of course being constantly available to your baby, always waving toys at them, or feeling like you need to entertain them or rushing in to help them reach a toy for example is well meaning, and comes from a place of love and care.
It helps their development
However, it can be helpful to know if you do this then give yourself a break. It actually helps your baby’s development to need to try a little harder, or to have little bits of time to themselves which increase as they get older. If you can’t get to them straight away, if you are in the car, or the shower or making a hot drink, they will be ok, you can connect with your voice, or your face.
You are trying your best and none of us get it right all the time
- Nobody gets it right all of the time.
- Perfect is impossible and isn’t helpful.
- Tiny experiences of being ‘mis-attuned’ help your baby develop an ability to cope, and to know repair is possible.
- Notice how available you are to your baby, no judgment, just notice.
If you want to talk about your mothering then book for a Mother’s Mentor session https://the-gentle-touch.com/mothers-mentor